It has come to our attention that the Super Bowl in it’s current form is breaking Guy Code by only celebrating corporate sponsors and ignoring the average football fan. In an effort to right this wrong we’ve petitioned the White House directly to encourage President Obama to speak to Roger Goodell about saving the Super Bowl.
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1. No More Neutral Field
It’s one thing to have the Super Bowl in a party town like New Orleans, but since when did Indianapolis or New Jersey become a “destination”? If you’re going to have a Super Bowl played in cold weather play it in Seattle or Denver — the two cold weather teams who earned the right to represent in the Super Bowl.
Home field in the Super Bowl would give extra meaning to the regular season and virtually eliminate the idea of resting your starters in Week 16 or 17. America is a democracy, shouldn’t the Super Bowl be?
2. Bring Back The Cheerleaders!
Sure you may see some girls jumping around to a Bruno Mars song at half time, but the odds of you seeing legit NFL cheerleaders at the Super Bowl are slim to none. Those girls have worked hard learning routines and avoiding player advances all season long, why cut them when the big game comes?
Not to mention all the time we’ve spent as fans studying their calendars and other awesome promotional items to learn more about them — you know, just in case they ever drop by our local pub. President Obama has claimed to support women in the workplace, but turns a blind eye to these hard working gals getting pink slips at the end of the year.
3. Get Real Fans To Attend The Game
Have you ever been to a Super Bowl? Do you even know anyone who has been to a Super Bowl? Probably not, which is a shame because as real fans we should be the ones rewarded with a Super Bowl experience.
The Super Bowl is filled with super rich corporate big wigs who lack the passion of hard working fans. The federal government needs to stop the price gouging of the Average Joe. We can bail out the banking industry, but not the hard working American fan?
4. Halftime Show Designed For Guys
We know it’s the Super Bowl and everyone will be watching, but let’s go with a musical act that fans and non-fans can both enjoy? The Super Bowl is the year long culmination of the manliest sport in the world and yet the half time show seems designed for a 13 year old girl.
C’mon Obama you live with three girls. You know what it’s like; this is our day! We’ve suffered through enough neutered half time shows because of Janet Jackson‘s wardrobe malfunction. We’ve paid our debt.
5. Bring Back Tailgating
The sport within the greatest sport, tailgating, is not allowed at Super Bowls. We essentially have a national holiday set aside for tailgating and yet the NFL won’t allow us to do it the biggest game of the year.
It’s hardly brought up because the people going to the Super Bowl are fancy cheese eating fat cats who snub their noses at the idea of tailgating. Tailgates get people to use American grills, to cook USDA certified meat while drinking ice cold domestic drafts! USA-USA-USA!
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Photo Credit: Getty Images
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Sean Green is a comedian and diehard NFL gambler. Check out his gambling podcast on the Super Bowl if you enjoy free money.