Every year the NFL adds new rules that aim to keep the players safe while still making the games exciting to watch. Unfortunately, there are some things the NFL just doesn't address that keeps ruining the viewing experience. I say fans should be able to throw penalty flags, too! So grab the pair of those yellow dish-washing gloves your roommates never use, tie them in a knot and throw them during these 10 NFL penalties that should be added to football.
Too Many Running Plays In A Row
I know it's a "game of inches" but nothing is more annoying than watching a team go 60 yards while eating up the first quarter. This is a quarterback league now. Throw the ball! Except you, Blaine Gabbert.
Refs Taking Too Long In The Review Booth
Everyone saw that his knee wasn't down. Seriously. Get your head out from under there and look at the stadium big screen or a television replay or a iPhone video someone took from the third row. My grandmother, who's sitting in the other room, saw that it was a fumble and she's been dead for 10 days. Oh crap, we should really move Nana.
NOT having Eminem Do Every Telecast
Eminem is not only one of the best rappers in the studio, he's one of the funniest guys in the announcer booth. After a hilariously awkward appearance with Brent Musburger during last month's Notre Dame vs. Michigan game, I now want him in the announcer booth forever. Throw a penality flag at Chris Collinsworth's giraffe neck and lets sub in the real Slim Shady.
Too Many Manning Commercials
The Manning brothers have more endorsements than the side of Jeff Gordon's car. If Eli spent as much time studying the play book as he does selling tuna fish bagel sandwiches at Dunkin Donuts, the Giants might not be 0-6.
Not Enough Dreadlocks
I like my linebackers hair like I like my my summer afternoons: long and nappy. So unless there are at least two defensive guys with dreadlocks running around the field, I am sorely disappointed. There is nothing more badass than sacking a QB while looking like someone from the movie "Cool Runnings."
Not Going For It
The head coach gets a penalty flag every time he doesn't go for it on fourth down and short. You have four downs. Use them! You wouldn't take a girl out for three dates than just dump her would you? Well, maybe if no one has been in her end zone all season either.
Not Doing A Touchdown Celebration Dance
Chicken dance? Cool. 10-player jumping high-five? Great! Elaborate act out of the movie "Inception"? Even better! A cool end-zone celebration makes that touchdown taste even sweeter so a penalty should be thrown for not doing one. Want to just hand the ball to the ref? Sorry, that's a 15-yard penalty. Replay fourth down.
Commentators Going Off-Topic
OK, this is a football game. Not the time to talk about what headline you saw on TMZ.
Network Keeps Promoting Horrible Sitcom
Every commercial break is another plug for this fall's worst new TV show. "Make sure to watch 'FUN-eral Home.' A sitcom about two guys, a girl and a ghost." Ugh. I think I'll just go check my fantasy scores instead.
Commentators Making Up Words
"RG3 just threw an incredible Smuck Shot!"
"Peterson with another tip-top touch in. That's 13 biggies for the game."
"Ouch! Houston just delevelstated Manning!!!"
What the hell are you saying? Are you high? Damn it, get Eminem in there already. I tired of this crap.